Beta Day... but no results yet

Today was beta day. Aidan and I drove in this morning in semi silence. We listened to the new Dan Brown book on the Kindle. That was good because I really wasn't in a mood to talk. In fact, I felt like crap. Anyhow, we got to the clinic, handed in the form and waited. I was called up and asked if I wanted to stay because they could give me the quick qualitative result if I wanted it. I actually said to her 'no - it'll be negative anyway'. I felt bad after saying that. Anyhow, I got called back, they stabbed me, taped me up and said they'd fax the results to my doctor when they came in.

We left the clinic and as we discussed plans for tomorrow I just started crying. It was such an anticlimactic end to something that I was so positive about. Aidan said that we are on the path to sorting all of this out and we just need to keep going. Good point.... just need to get through this rough patch.

So, I spent the day sorting out my schedule, work, Christmas list, etc. It was nice to be busy, to ignore my period that is still trying to start. I worked on our calendar from Oct-Jan and started thinking about what the next 4 months will contain. I visited a fibroids site over the weekend and when I looked at December I wondered what the Christmas season will bring. Apparently while the Da Vinci surgery will have me in and out of the hospital, the day of and day after surgery are going to be the worst pain days. I'm thinking I'll have to spend a week in Boston, maybe a little more. I hope by the end of it I'll be ok to see the Christmas tree before we fly home.

Anyhow, I'm felling much better tonight. My gut doesn't really but my head feels pretty good. Sure, I know I have to deal with the results call tomorrow but it's one more step towards achieving our goal, right. In the meantime, I have a 3rd wedding anniversary to celebrate tomorrow!!!!!

IVF #1 was interesting...

Well, I started bleeding yesterday afternoon. Not a lot but it was brown, then red. Stopped when I took the estrogen in the evening but not before I took 2 HPTs, both negative. Needless to say, it was a tough night. Tested again this morning. Another negative. Doesn't feel like it did last night. So this cycle's pretty much over except for the beta.

Aidan and I have talked a lot. We're glad we did it the way we did this cycle and barring the desire for Brigham & Women's to have us do a cycle there after the fibroid removal , we'll be in CZ this time next year. Aidan is also going to go back to acupuncture and continue to work on lowering his prolactin level and improving his sperm count. We are also looking at planning CZ better next year to ensure that I get acupuncture treatment, which possibly means staying in Luhacovice around treatment time. We also discussed spending our time between appointments flying out of Brno to see other countries because our weekend getaways were really relaxing for me and got my mind off of the process.

I really want to thank everyone for their support during this cycle. While it was a physical and emotional rollercoaster, it was extremely positive and I have lovely memories - from the vacation itself and your wonderful comments.

Needless to say, I'll still be here - probably talking about how they remove a fibroid that is 3/4 of the size of my uterus! I am grateful for this medium to share and vent and I know that one day I will get to share some amazing news in here.

Not Much Going On...

Well, I'm about to start my last weekend of blissful ignorance. I can't bring myself to do an HPT and I am unnerved that we'll get the beta results on our anniversary on Tuesday. I am trying to mentally prepare for either result but I just don't know how I will take it. Yes, I feel better that I have a plan for a negative but since I have been so emotional in the last 2 weeks, I don't want to even imagine what a low would feel like.

As for how I feel, I'm better. The headaches are a bit less than earlier this week. The BBs are still a little sore and I'm not used to the size. I had some spotting when I put in the progesterone gel earlier this week (old blood) so, of course, it made me hopeful. I've had some mild cramping. All of this (except for the larger BBs - that's definitely the hormones) could be PMS so I have not really paid attention to any of it. I've just tried to get our house back in order and spend some time with Aidan before his schedule ramps up again.

Speaking of schedules, next week is the week we're usually away on vacation (and hopefully will be again in future years). Our anniversary is on Tuesday this year and hopefully we'll go out to dinner depending on our state of mind. Aidan's b-day is Friday but he will be doing a weekend Regiment camp so we won't get to do anything. Somehow I need to make both days special but with work and meetings and Aidan being away, it's going to be tough.

On the positive side, we're leaving for Boston on Oct 1 and I did get the appointment with the fibroid specialist on Oct 2. I can't wait to see friends, do some Christmas shopping (need to work on my list) and see  one of my favorite cities in the world!!!

More Fibroid Removal Planning...

So, after a year of being uncomfortable with the knowledge that I have this fibroid, I am finally doing something about it. Granted, it may be the early stages of planning for its removal but at least the ball is rolling. I contacted the internal coordinator this morning and this afternoon I have a doctor willing to see me at Brigham & Women's on Oct 5th. I'm trying to get in on the 2nd (I am supposed to fly home on the 5th) but I'll change my flight back if necessary. I have to do a pelvic MRI before hand and my doctor has managed to schedule me for one on Sept 28th!

So now I just need to see if I can proceed with treatment sooner or later - and I'll know that sometime next week after Monday's beta. Aidan and I had a short conversation about it and we may therefore do round two of IVF (if necessary) in a year.....

We're Home!

It's good to be back in our own bed - having a tempurpedic mattress does that to you. Everything now needs to be organized, suitcases unpacked and laundry washed. Work is also a mess with tons of emails, meetings and papers all over my desk. And I am moving like a snail because I feel like crap. I am a physical and emotional wreck. If I didn't have acupuncture yesterday, I never would have made it though the day. My head hurts so much that I went home and went straight to bed after dinner.

Now, with the finish line in view (beta scheduled for Monday), I am really hating this process. I still believe that going to the Czech Republic was brilliant. I doubt I would have been as calm as I was if I was working and flying back and forth to the US for appointments. Still, if this doesn't work, it's not like I can find another 3 weeks that easily.... plus I need to have a fibroid removed before I go back and will need to go to the US for laproscopic surgery. I hate that the whole process is a gamble. We've put our lives on hold to be able to do all of this. I'm just tired - emotional and tired.

In any case, I have contacted the patient liaison for Brigham and Women's about fibroid removal. I hate not having any contingencies. Since we have to go to Boston next month, it would be good to get in to see a doctor. Not that I've given up on this cycle yet.... It just hasn't set well with me that I could have had it removed a year ago and could have been in better condition for this IVF cycle. Since another IVF cycle won't be until 2010 - and possibly next September if recovery from surgery takes 3-6 months (and looking at our calendars), it is better to get the information now.

Thanks everyone for your support through this process thus far. You've all been invaluable support!

Cycle Day 10 - Day 8 of Stims

Today's appointment went smoother than previous appointments. We arrived at 8am and I quickly was taken back for my blood test. We were in our doctor's office as soon as the results were available. The follicles were measuring between 14 & 16mm so I will probably have one last stim shot (lower dosage) on Aug 31 and the HCG shot that night at 8pm for retrieval on Sept 2. Transfer would be set for Sept 7th.

We discussed my intramural fibroid today. It has not grown due to the stims which is good. I've been put on extrimax because even though my endometrium growth is good thus far, he wants it to build up particularly in the area of the fibroid. He, like the RE in NJ, is fine with the fibroid but said that if I get pg this cycle, to have it removed once I give birth. He also advised to have it removed if I am not successful for peace of mind going through the next cycle, which I am fine with as well.

In any case, all is going well and I am contemplating making an appointment for a thai massage - I need to relax more.....

On the verge....

Cycle 18 should start tomorrow or Thursday. Sometimes I wonder why I even try to be optimistic each cycle. I never thought we'd see 6 months of trying, let alone one year or 18 months. Each cycle starts off well enough. We both feel good about it and we get through the first 21 days without many doubts. Then the last 7 days drive me nuts with each twinge, sore spot and cramp. My the time DPO 12-13 come along, I am probably the last person DH wants to be around. I can't even think a positive thought! It got to the point last night that I was wondering why we should even bother trying to have kids. My rationalization was that at least we'd be able to afford real estate abroad and lovely (long) vacations.

Anyhow, my mood this month is due to doctors here. We called the RE in NJ yesterday and they told us that they did not have the results and such from DH's tests and appointment with the urologist in December. We don't know if it is the urologist's fault or the fault of the RE's rep on Island. Either way, DH was irritated. Without that info, the RE doesn't really have anything to be able to talk to us. And all I want to know is what the RE thinks are next steps (i.e. go straight to ivf since tht's the only way any of this is going to work). I also want to know how the procedure would work if we went through the NJ office and what the damage would be on our bank accounts.

I've also been reading about fibroids and ivf. While it appears I was given the ok in August (i.e. tubes not blocked), I was not given any specifics (i.e. they are outside of the uterus). So of course, I am reading about ivf with fibroids and the info is all over the place. I don't believe they do removal here so that's another trip abroad if it is necessary to remove them. If they do not have to be removed, will I then be worried about their affect on any ivf treatments. Why cant we just do this naturally and I won't have to think down this path.....

Needless to say, I am looking forward to my 2.5 mile run tonight. That should help to get rid of some of this frustration!

HSG Pre-Op

Pre-op went well. The doctor didn't seem too concerned about the fibroids - I guess the procedure next week will indicate whether she should be. She was more concerned about DH's results. He's calling for his MRI results tomorrow and will ask them to send them on to our RE. He also has to speak to the RE at some point this week and I think his next SA in next Monday. Anyhow, pre-op... I have a bunch of forms to fill out because I'm going into the hospital as an outpatient and they're putting me to sleep for the procedure. DH will then have to pick me up afterwards. I have to take antibiotics before, the day of and the day after the procedure so I picked them up on the way back to the office. other than that, she wants us to TTC during O-time.

Headaches...

It was a crazy night - I was on somewhat of an emptional rollercoaster and DH wasn't having a good time either. We touched base on the ride in this morning and are more optimistic about the whole thing. DH has been reading about the excess prolactin and the scan for the pituitary gland tumor and is hopeful that the MRI won't find any abnormalities. In my case, I've been reading more about fibroids, pregnancies with them and without, the surgery process (and recovery time) and diet. I think I'm in good hands and hope we can get moving, KWIM!

After 8 months, we move into doctor's appointments

Well, today was the day of the big appointment. First we were in a bad mood. DH got the results back from the prolactin test and the levels were elevated so they want him to do an MRI. So we were thinking about that when we got to the office. After waiting for 45 minutes (and thinking) we met the doctor who was great. We discussed our histories and discussed options due to my medical conditions and DH's situation. It is looking like IVF is somewhere in the near future. I then had my examination and they found 3 fibroids in my uterus - 2 outside and one inside. One is the size of a softball (explains how I can still be in shape yet my waist size hasn't shrunk!). I was more than a little stunned and upset. Anyhow, I have to have a hysterosalpingogram and then we'll discuss surgery as the internal one may have caused the events of March. He also wants me to do day 3 blood work next week and for DH to start Parlodel even as he waits for the MRI. In any case, the doctor says that both situations are not a problem and he will get us pregnant! As you may imagine, I have a lot of reading to do tonight.