Considerations

DH's grandfather will be 95 on September 20th and his mom wants to throw a party. We're supposed to be doing the IVF thing at that time but since we're not sharing that fact, his mom got kind of upset thinking we were just going away for our anniversary on the 22nd. We tried to say that we'd be going for medical reasons but she then started questioning why we wouldn't go to the US and the reason things cost so much there because it was better (I don't agree). We quickly changed the subject but ended up discussing it later. If we have to do IVF, we'll probably go in August so we'd be home for grandpa's b-day. We then would need to figure out what to do for our anniversary. My 10 year grad school reunion is Oct 2-3 so we're thinking Boston but that would be 15 days for that trip plus the 25 days in August and I don't think that will be doable..... such a pain. I hope DH's tests will be ok next month so we can do injectables/IUI and then we can just do a regular anniversary trip in September as usual...

Almost done....

I cheated last night. I made DH quiche and just had to taste it (I had a tiny sliver). It hasn't made a difference (i.e. I didn't end up with an upset tummy) so I don't think I ruined the whole thing. I do feel bad for being weak though. Anyhow, I just need to make it through today and then it is on to the next phase of the fitness regieme. We're starting a 100 day fitness challenge today. We weighed in for the challenge today. My goal is to lose 10-15 lbs and to increase my endurance (i.e. get back in dancing shape) and DH's goal is to lose 20 lbs and to survive the 1/2 marathon. It promises to be fun (and a PITA at the same time).

I did a bit of reading on male infertility yesterday and info related to increased prolactin levels. It actually made me hopeful that the parlodel might work to the extent that the SA in March might come back with some decent information. I really would like to be able to do a few IUIs before we have to make the final IVF decision. Ok, I'd prefer not to have to do anything other than what I learned about in biology class!!! Still, I'm a planner - I need degrees of contingencies!

Not much else going on. I spoke with the former boss today. She's having a girl in March. I was so excited for her. We discussed how just doing project work has lessened the guilt that she wasn't there for her 1st of 2 boys' major moments when she was working part-time. SIL is dealing with that now. It is something I will keep in mind due to my mom's guilt over not being able to spend much time with me as a baby.

Cleanse .... Day 3....

... and I am not dreaming about food. Interestingly enough, I haven't had many cravings on this cleanse. Even when I walk down the street and smell the food from restaurants I don't crave it afterwards. I guess this is good! Unfortunately i didn't work out last night as I attended a board meeting that ran late. I do have a 90 minute dance class tonight though so we'll see how that goes. I am concerned about healthy eating at the end of this cleanse and I might try to see the nutritionist that I am getting to take a look at DH's diet.

Speaking of DH, his urologist said yesterday that he did manage to get the results to the RE on Jan 15th. DH is going to follow up with the RE's office to make sure they received the documents. I don't think that the RE willhave much to say to us. I am thinking after the March results that he'd make a recommendation like IUI or injectables or IVF. So we're still in limbo. I've now rationalized that we're going to take this time to get healthier so I am more ok with limbo than I was last week or even over the weekend. of course, I am concerned how we'd do IUI or even monitor a cycle since I no longer have an ob/gyn to go to..... I hope the RE's local contact is willing to take us in if necessary. It also begs the question how to prepare for the Czech Republic if it comes to that. I guess we'd have to explain our situation and see what the Czech doctors recommend.

And finally, welcome ICLWers. This is my first time participating and I am looking forward to getting to know new people. I've just completed my first day of visits and it was fun and interesting. See you on your blog soon!

On the verge....

Cycle 18 should start tomorrow or Thursday. Sometimes I wonder why I even try to be optimistic each cycle. I never thought we'd see 6 months of trying, let alone one year or 18 months. Each cycle starts off well enough. We both feel good about it and we get through the first 21 days without many doubts. Then the last 7 days drive me nuts with each twinge, sore spot and cramp. My the time DPO 12-13 come along, I am probably the last person DH wants to be around. I can't even think a positive thought! It got to the point last night that I was wondering why we should even bother trying to have kids. My rationalization was that at least we'd be able to afford real estate abroad and lovely (long) vacations.

Anyhow, my mood this month is due to doctors here. We called the RE in NJ yesterday and they told us that they did not have the results and such from DH's tests and appointment with the urologist in December. We don't know if it is the urologist's fault or the fault of the RE's rep on Island. Either way, DH was irritated. Without that info, the RE doesn't really have anything to be able to talk to us. And all I want to know is what the RE thinks are next steps (i.e. go straight to ivf since tht's the only way any of this is going to work). I also want to know how the procedure would work if we went through the NJ office and what the damage would be on our bank accounts.

I've also been reading about fibroids and ivf. While it appears I was given the ok in August (i.e. tubes not blocked), I was not given any specifics (i.e. they are outside of the uterus). So of course, I am reading about ivf with fibroids and the info is all over the place. I don't believe they do removal here so that's another trip abroad if it is necessary to remove them. If they do not have to be removed, will I then be worried about their affect on any ivf treatments. Why cant we just do this naturally and I won't have to think down this path.....

Needless to say, I am looking forward to my 2.5 mile run tonight. That should help to get rid of some of this frustration!

Perhaps some next steps...

DH may get to speak to the RE today. He called to set up a time for the phonecall on Friday but was told that he would have to set up a time through a particular nurse and the nurse would call back in 10 minutes. We got a message on our voicemail at home at 11am yesterday - asking DH to call the doctor at 4pm our time. As far as we knew, the urologist wouldn't have sent over the results yet; hence the desire to have the conversation later during the week. In any case DH will contact the RE today and hopefull they will be able to talk.

On a somewhat related note, I've been researching IVF options in other countries. While I think we can purchase a package in Boston for a number of fresh and frozen cycles, I wondered if it was a viable option to do IVF on vacation so it wasn't so 'obvious' what we are trying to do. I've found some interesting options in the Czech Republic, as well as Greece and Barbados. I even found one in Las Vegas but that was really expensive! Honestly, the Czech Republic is interesting because 1) I've never been there; 2) it's close to Vienna; 3) I have friends who live there and 4) the cost looks good. I've requested information from 2 companies and have received details from one. It might be an option for vacation 2009. It would kill two birds with one stone - relaxation and baby-making.

Why am I so nervous???

So the urologist visit is tomorrow afternoon. I won't be able to go with DH since I'll probably be in a meeting and then I have a class that I cannot miss. I got in a bit of an argument this morning with DH because he hasn't done anything to prepare for the appointment. I wrote up some questions last week but he hasn't read them. When I try to discuss contingencies so we can get moving once the appointment is over, he says nothing. I asked him if he cared and he said that he just has no idea what to do and he assumes that the doctor should know. I told him that I am not willing to sit around for another 6 months in hopes that a doctor will get it right when I can be getting a second opinion, etc. I know he's unhappy with the situation and I also know that he is hoping and praying for a good result so we don't have to keep going through all of this. Still, I don't know what is wrong with praying for the best and preparing for the worst.

I contacted a clinic in Boston and am contemplating a phone consultation with a RE depending upon the results from tomorrow's appointment. If we're faced with IVF, and since we'd have to travel no matter what the situation, I would feel more comfortable with comparing programs, prices, etc. I really don't want to get to that point but I also want to just get on with all of this. Sure, it isn't a guarantee that it will work but at least we'd be further along the process.

Check-up

I went to my nephrologist today. My kidney function is good but my cholesterol is up and they still can't give me anything since we're still TTC. They said that if I have to take fertility meds that it won't interact with my current meds or affect my kidney finction too much. They're going to get me some genetic counseling info from Brigham & Women's in Boston since we'll have to make that decision if we end up doing IVF. So all in all, pretty good!