It's Official... I'm Sick

Yeah, the sore throat went into my head last night. Now I have a runny nose, stuffed up head and sneezing along with a cough and sore throat. At the moment I'm using Olbas Oil because I cannot afford to be drowsy at a meeting this afternoon and the pharmacy nearby does not have the meds I can take. So I just want to go to this meeting and then go home and crash. Granted, I have a ton of work to do after the meeting to be prepared for tomorrow morning's 8.30am meeting.... I hope I start feeling a bit better for some date night activities tonight (I think we were going to play some  wii Sports Resort - I'm the frisbee queen!)

So many things to do before tomorrow (when we pretty much move into the hotel until Tuesday)Top on my list - I need to order our Christmas tree and pay for delivery for just after American Thanksgiving. I need to have it decorated before we leave for Boston. I also need to send out volunteer emails for the Panto tonight because I won't have time to deal with that this weekend. And I really need to pay some bills since Nov 1st is on Sunday...

My mom is doing well. She should get out of the hospital today or tomorrow. I fedexed her a package with some Doctor Who books in it. I might send some more to her via Amazon. She's in such good spirits which makes me really happy. Kidney failure is a catch-22 really. It's great that there is dialysis to keep you alive but it really does a number on your quality of life. I remember when my mom was just about to go back on dialysis and she was grateful that she's have a rest from the anti rejection drugs that gave her awful side effects like diabetes, etc. I'd have to say though that in the last two years, she was really down about the dialysis and missed being able to do things (like travel on the spur of the moment to see my brother and the kids, etc). She's already talking about spending more time travelling to see the grandkids in Fl - it makes me so happy to see her this excited.

Gotta run - need to buy a few things for this weekend before my 3pm meeting.

My Romantic Side....

I've always been a pretty practical gal with a romantic streak. The romantic streak comes from the many books and movies that I devour. Many of the books are classics but include more modern romance novels as well (and a smattering of Betty and Veronica comics...). The movies often fall in the MGM musical category but during the holiday season the Hallmark Channel and ABC Family get a lot of use in my house.

Yesterday, I watched the Hallmark Channel for most of the afternoon. I didn't plan to but I noticed that most of my book reading lately has been more suspense and murder and not so much love and romance. Yesterday's movies focused on weddings - a topic that I pretty much avoided when I was getting married myself. I wasn't and am not a wedding obsessed person and did not do much wedding reading or watching when going through the process. I was a tad pissed about the commercialism of the entire process and therefore never got swept up in the wedding machine. Aidan and I planned everything like a project and just got on with it, contingencies and all. It was lovely but it didn't take over our lives because we didn't let it. Well, upon watching the movies yesterday, I yearned for that simpler time when for many cake flavors and choosing a wedding dress were considered stressful. I mean, if I knew that IF would be kicking our butts 2-3 years later, perhaps I would have put more fun into the wedding planning process...

What do I mean by fun? Well, I loved our ceremony and reception and I'd change nothing. However, I avoided having a bridal shower and threw myself a pseudo-bachelorette in order to control the craziness. In the back of my mind I believed that I'd have a baby shower at some point (which scared the crap out of me) and would need advice. We had owned our house for a year before getting married and moving in so bridal shower gifts seemed excessive so I respectfully told my mom to dissuade people from throwing a bridal shower. As for the bachelorette party - I was afraid of blow up dolls with strap-ons.... Anyhow, I now wonder whether I missed out on a fun experience that would have provided other positive memories during this pessimistic time in my life. Then again, my wedding memories don't really help me now when I'm down.... I guess I feel like I placed all of my eggs in the baby shower basket,  the basket went missing and I'm a little sore about it.

Getting back to being romantic... the movies also made me think about a time when I romanticized creating kids. It seems silly now. Hell, it seems utterly idiotic that we planned our wedding around my cycle so that we could consummate our marriage without protection and without the fear of getting pregnant before we were ready... oh well. Romanticizing baby making still happens one in a while. IVF sorta takes the zing out of it but  finding ways to reconnect with each other keeps the drams alive!

I can guarantee that when I am on my couch between Dec 18 and New Years that I'll be thinking this way quite a bit. I hope that instead of thinking about the past, I will use these thoughts to be more romantic in the present. I just purchased a Christmas themed romance novel to kick things off... hope I can

What a week!!!

First I want to thank everyone for their wonderful thoughts and prayers. I've finally spoken to my mom and she's doing really well. They should release her next week and she'll then have to stay in Boston for 3-6 weeks.

I've been trying to respond to everyone and catch up on ICLW. It's such a wonderful way to get to know people!!!!

Lat performance tonight for the Tattoo..... I'm cooling out today (hopefully) and watching QVC while reading blogs :)

Vacation please....

It seems that there is no such thing as a slow time in my life. The summer was supposed to be slow and I ended up managing working on multiple projects that had me doing 18 hour days. IVF #1 was done while I was on vacation but it definitely wasn't our regular type of vacation where I felt refreshed afterwards (still, it was better than if I had to do the cycle while working). Last night was the opening night of the Bermuda Tattoo, made all the more stressful because work is nuts due to the Int'l summit we're putting on next week and keeping up with my mom's progress. I just need a vacation where I can do nothing but vegetate!

My mom is doing well and is so overjoyed to have been blessed this way. She will probably be in Boston for 3-4 weeks. I am so happy that her quality of life will improve. Sure, we proved this summer that it is possible to have a lovely vacation and undergo dialysis treatments but having to be attached to a machine for 4 hours 3 times a week is tough. I pray that I will not progress to that stage... Still, my mom is an inspiration to me and I am so happy for her.

As for everything else, I am waiting for AF. I think I will do a detox afterwards to get back to normal before surgery. We've sent our paperwork to Norway and got some positive feedback - it looks like we will give them a go next year. With that out of the way, I want to just get back into proper eating and exercise and getting ready for the holiday season (Christmas Card Making Party on Nov 7th!).

I Am So Thankful...

Yesterday morning I got a call from my mom. She was crying like mad and I couldn't understand a word she was saying. I was afraid that something had happened to my dad or brother. Then she said she had to fly out that morning and that they had found a kidney for her. She was crying out of happiness and relief. She's been on the transplant list for 4 years and she got that absolutely amazing call!

So she flew out around lunchtime and the surgery took place yesterday afternoon/evening. They called my dad after midnight to say that all went well and that she was in recovery. My dad is flying up to Boston on Friday because they couldn't get him out with her yesterday. My brother will be going up from Florida. I have to hold the fort...

I was a basket case yesterday. I am now a bit calmer but still a bit crazed in need of more info. I am so thankful that she is ok and that someone's loved one will be able to live on through my mom. Thanks for the prayers and wonderful throughts. I truly appreciate them.

I may have to play catch-up on ICLW because I'm not really concentrating very well at the moment....

October ICLW - Thanks for Coming to Visit!

Welcome from Bermuda. It's a wonderful fall for us - in the 70s with lowish humidity. I'm preparing to dance at a military tattoo this week so I apologise if I don't get to play catch-up until Sunday when it will all be over!

Here's a little bit about my world:

Me - 35, independent consultant and dancer, 5+ years into a doctoral program in management (in the process of changing the methodology to simplify the study and finish...), dx with polycyctic kidney disease (not affecting fertility) and fibroids (apparently affecting fertility). I love MGM Musicals, theatre, Gene Kelly, Frank Sinatra, Audrey Hepburn, Doctor Who, Torchwood, Star Wars, Star Trek and dancing.

DH - 37, engineer, clairinet player and bagpiper, dx high prolactin levels and low motility. He loves marching and pipe bands, theatre, suspense novels, strategy games and good BBC programming.

Our Life - met in 1999 or 2000 (depends on who you speak to), dating in 2001, engaged in 2005, married in 2006 and began TTCing in 2007. I'm having the Da Vinci robotic fibroid removal surgery on Dec 9th so we're on a TTC break until June 2010.

Other stuff - we have 2 cats and 2 dogs (CKCSs). We love to travel (it happens when you're stuck on a 21 square mile Island). We love Broadway and West End Shows. We both enjoy being onstage performing or backsage making the show happen. We're planners and that probably makes this whole IF thing suck royally.

What we're doing to get by - We started increasing our communication with each other after I had an emotional explosion in December 2007 over an unsuccessful cycle. Since December 08 we've stopped putting our energy into TTCing and started putting it into getting healthier and spending quality time together. This year we've walked the equivalent of a marathon and ran a half-marathon. We've adopted healthy eating habits and are doing acupuncture. We did our first IVF cycle in Zlin in the Czech Republic (we did not miss out on our annual vacation). We're considering doing IVF #2 in Norway next in June or September 2010 once I've healed from the fibroid removal surgery.

Other than that, we're looking forward to the holiday season.

The last two ICLW months were bad for me and I needed a break. I am looking forward to visiting everyone this month!

A World To Consider....

As a follow-up to the last paragraph of yesterday's post, when I told Aidan that our doctor had left the clinic, we had a long discussion about the three options that I mentioned. We agreed that we really liked our doctor and we really liked the clinic. We also discussed why he is said to have left - the clinic getting too large, scheduling issues, loss of that personal touch. From our perspective we did not feel this way other than our waits for the first two visits (better than waits we've had elsewhere though...). Others who have cycled there in 2007 and 2008 said that it is much busier than the past. We therefore aren't fussed about having another doctor assigned but thought it would be ok to take the opportunity to consider other options.

First I looked to see if our doctor had joined another clinic elsewhere. It's early days and his name has not shown up anywhere yet. So, I then moved on to looking at clinics in Prague and Brno because they are easy to travel to. There are a few options where people have cycled and have made good comments. We both wouldn't have trouble securing acupuncture services but both are cities and Prague is very touristy (we both preferred the homey feel of Zlin). So while an option, I do not know if we would seriously pursue something like that.

I then looked at Boston and the cost to cycle with the doctor doing my fibroid removal (she's an RE with quite a few papers under her belt). We discussed our desire to pay for a multi-cycle package (and whether we can afford it), the cost of medications, the need to fly back and forth and the related stress. It would be doable but finding the money to purchase a package would be somewhat difficult.

We then looked to see where people in the UK go after they are not covered under NHS anymore (or if they don't want to wait for an appointment) and found a place in Norway. Aidan was interested in exploring this option because he loves Norway (he's been there twice) and has wanted to take me there for years. This option looks promising. It requires a consult visit and meds are purchased in the UK but then you begin the cycle at home and report on 10 days in. This is the option we were hoping for previously because it means we only have to be there for 7-10 days. In addition to providing past records and info on previous cycles, they do a full fertility work-up on both partners during the consult and will create an individualized protocol that meets the couple's needs. They are a small clinic, do about 400 cycles a year and I have found a board where people actively discuss the location. We agreed to compile a file on this option and then do an in depth comparison after I am done with the fibroid surgery. It's an exciting option and would take us on another 'vacation'!

Busy Weekend in the Kitchen

I had a busy weekend. I thought it would be a little hectic but it turned out worse than expected because we decided to invite family up for dinner on Sunday and ended up with 7 guests.

Saturday was totally nuts! Aidan had to be the piper for 2 weddings, one at 10am and the second at 4pm (with the reception at 5.30). Thankfully, I slept in when he left to go to the first wedding (I think he left at 9 or something because he had to warm up his pipes away from the church). Since he had the car, I had to catch the bus into Hamilton. Unfortunately, I don't really know the bus schedule so I caught the wrong one and had to walk to the office. No one was there to let me in so I went to the Botanical Gardens for the SPCA Fair. I saw a few friends and their dogs and then got a call that the office was open. I only was in the office for about 45 minutes. Aidan picked me up and we went back to the Fair, had some lunch and he dropped me off at dance class #1.

The class was for our younger dancers and barring a parent incident, the class went very well. We then loaded the kids in various cars and went to dance class #2 on a school field. There we met up with the older dancers and ran through the two dances that we're doing for the Tattoo next week. By this time Aidan was well into wedding #2 and I had to get home. Thankfully I got a lift with two of my dancers. I literally walked into the house, sat down with QVC on and in seconds I was asleep. Aidan woke me up when he got in. We cleaned up, ran out to the store because we had extended the dinner invitation and managed to put the chicken in the brine solution before going to bed.

On Sunday I wanted to prepare the dogs for a party that they were invited to (a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel get together). I clipped them (mangled their paws though), bathed them and dried them. Then I started on dinner. At 1.30 (we were making 2pm), I was still cooking. At 4pm, I was still cooking. At 6pm, I was still cooking. Yeah, it was an all day affair. I made food for the dinner but I also made food for our Dec 19th party (to freeze). By the time our guests had arrived, I had the following on the table: carved roast chicken, sage sausage stuffing, sage gravy, lemon meringue pies (from scratch), pumpkin soup, chicken & lentil soup (using the chicken rack), pumpkin chocolate chip muffins, praline cookies, mini peanut butter cup cookies.

Dinner went really well and everyone ate their fill. The great thing was that once we cleaned up, my kitchen and dining room are pretty much ready for Saturday's jewelry making party! Granted, I haven't figured out the food for that one yet... maybe pizza... that's easy!

So now I'm back in Tattoo mode (ordered back-up uniforms), Summit mode (Oct 29 - Nov 4) and Master Class mode (planning Nov, Dec, Jan & Feb classes at the moment). It's a little insane but I am looking forward to resting between Nov 5 and 19... and then the next wave starts before surgery.

Oh, I did get some bad news today. My doctor in CZ has left the clinic. I've been notified but they probably won't give me a new doctor until I make arrangements for the next cycle. So I don't know whether (i) we find out where he goes and continue to see him (I really like how thorough he was), (ii) use the doctor that they give me (apparently a new female doctor has joined the clinic) or (iii) take this opportunity to explore other options (like Prague, Brno, another country... Aidan isn't hot on the Mumbai option though).

Not for the Fainthearted

I have received confirmation that surgery is scheduled for Dec 9th and that I need to arrive at the hospital for 9am on Dec 8th for the pre-op appointment. We can now book our flights and the International office will arrange to pick us up from the airport and take us to our hotel. It's nice to have this arranges but it is also somewhat surreal to have this move so quickly after a year and a bit of nothing happening.

I also received a link to watch the type of surgery that I will have. They wanted me to see the versatility of the robotic arms in the surgery. At first I didn't want to watch it but I decided that I did want to know what would happen - the same way that I surfed youtube for IVF videos before we went through that process. If you're interested you can see the video here. Believe me, it is not for the fainthearted. Still, after seeing my 'gut full of rocks' last Friday, it's kind of comforting to see how they get them out. The sewing part makes my skin crawl though.

I've also been visiting a very useful blog where many people have shared their fibroid removal experiences. I've been focusing on the post-op section and it is good to get information on those first few days and weeks post surgery. It looks like gas will be the toughest part of recovery in the first few days - I really need to look into getting some gas-x because I am gassy even without having my tummy blown up with CO2.

Back to our regularly scheduled programme...

I caught the ferry in to work today because I had an early meeting. I don't catch the ferry often because we usually need the car during the day and I like talking with Aidan on the ride in. Therefore, when I do catch the ferry I do things like read, organize my calendar, etc. Today I read a book - and in the midst of reading I got to thinking about whether life will 'get back to normal' during this 9 month TTC break.

I've thought more about what is 'normal' since the ride this morning. I know that I haven't felt all that normal recently, but was I (or were we) normal before we started trying to expand our family. I think back to our non-ttc days and we just seemed busy. It was actually at that point where some of our traditions (weekly lunches, weekly dinner out) fell off of the schedule. I think further back to dating times and the focus was on getting married, getting a house, getting settled, etc. So perhaps we need to create normal from scratch from all of the lovely elements that we miss from getting too stressed from life in general.

A friend of mine said recently that she loves when Aidan and I open our house to friends for parties because they get a glimpse of the kind of homelife that she'd like. The comment made me smile but I also realize that the snapshot that friends get is so limited a view of what our homelife is really like. That snapshot does show me aspects of what is 'normal' for us though. We're a great team and work very well together. We work as partners and use our skills accordingly. We like to make things fun. We like to learn and share new things. Perhaps those are other elements we integrate into this 'getting back to normal' endeavor. I don't think we've lost this attributes so it's more of a matter of reinforcing them for use in stressful times.

So back to normal starts tonight as we're off to the theatre to enjoy 'Oliver'. Publish Post

Visit to Yet Another Doctor....

I continued my doctor-filled life today by visiting my nephrologist. I really like my nephrologist. He's a very straightforward kind of guy who actually explains what things mean and he actually points me towards other resources for information. I guess he's the perfect doctor to have when what you're being treated for is so important to your quality of life. I mean, he's not my buddy but I can talk to him about what is going on medically and get good advice... KWIM.

Anyhow, I had a good weigh-in (my weight has finally stabilized, I hope) but my blood pressure was up. That wasn't a surprise though because of the stress of the cycle, fibroids, etc. We got the important stuff out of the way next. My kidney function hasn't changed and it is still in the good range. I breathed a sigh of relief from that one. Then I updated him on the cycle and the subsequent fibroid situation. We then reviewed the rest of my test results. My cholesterol was up (again, no surprise because I've been eating horribly post-cycle - I blame minor depression) and thankfully since I cannot cycle until next June, I've been put on Li.pitor for the time being. Sure, I'll also correct my diet but it makes me feel a bit better about getting it under control. He also upped my blood pressure meds. He thinks the rise is stress related and with surgery coming up and another cycle a year away, he wants to have better control of it during stressful these stressful periods.

Before we finished, we talked about the high risk OB situation here on the Island. He's going to look into it because there is a strong possibility that my OB will end up being in Boston - along with the birth.... that'll be a PITA but whatever it takes. So all in all, it was an excellent visit and I am now on visits every 3 months instead of 6 because of the surgery, etc.

Aidan had an impromptu visit with his urologist yesterday. He was doing a site inspection in an operation room at the hospital and his urologist was there. So they discussed the recent IVF cycle, the fibroids and our future plans while standing their in their operating room gear - odd but effective. So his urologist gave thought we were making good progress and said he'll get an update on how my surgery went when they meet at year's end or in the new year. Perhaps the cheapest urologist visit ever!!!

Outside of that, the fall is in full swing. I've planned my house parties leading up to Christmas and now I need to get online and order some supplies from Orie.ntal Tra.ding. I have a strategy for soup and cookie making for the Dec Open House because there is no way that I'll want to bake up a storm when I get home on the 16th. Now I need to sort out one of my client schedules, and my dissertation writing schedule and I should be set!

Back home... for 2 months and 2 days...

It's been a whirlwind weekend and a busy day but I am home (can't wait to kit my tempurpedic mattress tonight!). I had such a great time in Boston. Sure, my next trip back won't be as fun, and I'll definitely be more nervous. Still, it will be good to be in a familiar place for the surgery and early recovery.

While we both felt more like our old selves for most of the weekend as we met up with good friends and old friends, there are so many other memories that Boston has for us. We celebrated our first anniversary in Boston and it also marked the end of our 'test cycle'. We literally bought out Walgreens, stocking up on ovulation and pregnancy tests. At the airport I remember purchasing Fit Pregnancy and we read it together once we got home. 6 months later we were back in Boston to participate in the St. Patrick's Day parade. It was the time when I was going through an apparent chemical pregnancy. It was also the first indication of what would eventually be diagnosed as a fibroid 3 months later because I spotted for 5 days after the end of my period. And now Boston will figure into another major phase of our journey as we have the fibroids removed and will probably see us many times once we're pregnant since I'll be high risk and we currently have no high risks OBs here.

So the ride home was full of reflection and forward thought. And now, I'm feeling mellow again. I can't wait to get into the next two months of activities (I say that now...). Sometimes weekend getaways are the best!!!

Boston's Wonderful

Strangely enough, after feeling so cruddy for so long, a short visit to an amazing city has been the most revitalizing thing we could do. Sure, we're still tired and have a lot on our plates but we actually feel like ourselves. We're actually acting like ourselves again. We needed this.

So we're back to our regular lives on Monday evening. I hope we can carry this feeling back home and through  the coming months.

Surgery Scheduled

Talk about a whirlwind day. I barely slept last night because I was pretty nervous about today's appointment. We woke up pretty early, had breakfast in the lobby and boarded the free hotel shuttle to the hospital. There, we checked in at the international office. I received my patient card and we were walked up to the Center for Reproductive Medicine. There I filled out forms, was weighed and measured and then waited with all of the other couples.

We were finally called back and met the doctor. She was lovely - very thorough. We reviewed the records my doctor sent her and then I gave her the copies of everything we had. We reviewed the MRI scans and also reviewed the last IVF cycle. Her thoughts were beneficial to my peace of mind. I have at least 5 large fibroids - three are between 5-7.5 cm and 2 are between 2-3 cm. There are also smaller ones that she'll review in preparation for the surgery. 2 of the fibroids (the 5cm intermural one and the 7.5cm subserosal one) and possibly  the two smaller ones probably have been adversely affecting my fertility. She believes we had an excellent IVF cycle and was happy with the fertility report and said we probably would have been successful without the fibroids. She said that she understands why I had to go through a cycle to get the referral and thinks that the information will be useful for cycle 2. I then had and exam to see if I can have the robotic surgery and thankfully I passed!

So, I have to fly back to Boston on Dec 7, have surgery on Dec 9 (with an overnight stay) and fly back home on Dec16. I will not be allowed to drive for 3 weeks, dance for a few months and TTC for 6 months after surgery. When we got back to the hotel, we booked the Sheraton Boston for December. Just need to book Delta.

Boy, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders...