My Romantic Side....

I've always been a pretty practical gal with a romantic streak. The romantic streak comes from the many books and movies that I devour. Many of the books are classics but include more modern romance novels as well (and a smattering of Betty and Veronica comics...). The movies often fall in the MGM musical category but during the holiday season the Hallmark Channel and ABC Family get a lot of use in my house.

Yesterday, I watched the Hallmark Channel for most of the afternoon. I didn't plan to but I noticed that most of my book reading lately has been more suspense and murder and not so much love and romance. Yesterday's movies focused on weddings - a topic that I pretty much avoided when I was getting married myself. I wasn't and am not a wedding obsessed person and did not do much wedding reading or watching when going through the process. I was a tad pissed about the commercialism of the entire process and therefore never got swept up in the wedding machine. Aidan and I planned everything like a project and just got on with it, contingencies and all. It was lovely but it didn't take over our lives because we didn't let it. Well, upon watching the movies yesterday, I yearned for that simpler time when for many cake flavors and choosing a wedding dress were considered stressful. I mean, if I knew that IF would be kicking our butts 2-3 years later, perhaps I would have put more fun into the wedding planning process...

What do I mean by fun? Well, I loved our ceremony and reception and I'd change nothing. However, I avoided having a bridal shower and threw myself a pseudo-bachelorette in order to control the craziness. In the back of my mind I believed that I'd have a baby shower at some point (which scared the crap out of me) and would need advice. We had owned our house for a year before getting married and moving in so bridal shower gifts seemed excessive so I respectfully told my mom to dissuade people from throwing a bridal shower. As for the bachelorette party - I was afraid of blow up dolls with strap-ons.... Anyhow, I now wonder whether I missed out on a fun experience that would have provided other positive memories during this pessimistic time in my life. Then again, my wedding memories don't really help me now when I'm down.... I guess I feel like I placed all of my eggs in the baby shower basket,  the basket went missing and I'm a little sore about it.

Getting back to being romantic... the movies also made me think about a time when I romanticized creating kids. It seems silly now. Hell, it seems utterly idiotic that we planned our wedding around my cycle so that we could consummate our marriage without protection and without the fear of getting pregnant before we were ready... oh well. Romanticizing baby making still happens one in a while. IVF sorta takes the zing out of it but  finding ways to reconnect with each other keeps the drams alive!

I can guarantee that when I am on my couch between Dec 18 and New Years that I'll be thinking this way quite a bit. I hope that instead of thinking about the past, I will use these thoughts to be more romantic in the present. I just purchased a Christmas themed romance novel to kick things off... hope I can