Almost done....

I cheated last night. I made DH quiche and just had to taste it (I had a tiny sliver). It hasn't made a difference (i.e. I didn't end up with an upset tummy) so I don't think I ruined the whole thing. I do feel bad for being weak though. Anyhow, I just need to make it through today and then it is on to the next phase of the fitness regieme. We're starting a 100 day fitness challenge today. We weighed in for the challenge today. My goal is to lose 10-15 lbs and to increase my endurance (i.e. get back in dancing shape) and DH's goal is to lose 20 lbs and to survive the 1/2 marathon. It promises to be fun (and a PITA at the same time).

I did a bit of reading on male infertility yesterday and info related to increased prolactin levels. It actually made me hopeful that the parlodel might work to the extent that the SA in March might come back with some decent information. I really would like to be able to do a few IUIs before we have to make the final IVF decision. Ok, I'd prefer not to have to do anything other than what I learned about in biology class!!! Still, I'm a planner - I need degrees of contingencies!

Not much else going on. I spoke with the former boss today. She's having a girl in March. I was so excited for her. We discussed how just doing project work has lessened the guilt that she wasn't there for her 1st of 2 boys' major moments when she was working part-time. SIL is dealing with that now. It is something I will keep in mind due to my mom's guilt over not being able to spend much time with me as a baby.

A year and six months of TTC - We're here!

Actually, I am not really that excited about having spent 18 months trying to have a baby. I am however a bit psyched about being able to spend a few months cleansing and getting in shape. It's kind of a six of one, half a dozen of another type of thing. I've been working on the diet component this week. I've been cutting back on sugar and refined starches and fish and chicken instead of red meat. I can now get more rigorous but I need to ensure I keep my energy up for the running and dancing that I am doing.

DH called the urologist today and the nurse wasn't sure whether his results were sent to the RE's rep on Island. He was so irritated.... I do not know how we're supposed to get anything done relying on the timliness of the doctors here. In any case, I need to set up my annual appointment with my gyn and I may tell her that we're looking at other options other than the RE in NJ. I need to find out if she's willing to work with another doctor to prescribe medication, etc. I also have a nephrologist visit in April and I will need to keep him in the loop as well.

I was saying to DH that it is amazing that we are at a point where we're going to be literally gambling for a child. We are people who research everything and have contingencies for everything. We're now getting into a situation where we're hoping that we'll be one of the successful couples. That scares the crap out of me. I am also scared about how I would take a failure of this plan of action.

So a new phase dawns. We both should be in decent shape by March (for the urologist and gyn appointments) and will be in fighting shape by May 25th. We're still hoping for a miracle but honestly, I'm done with putting so much energy into each cycle...... I have other things that I need to do!!!

Why am I so nervous???

So the urologist visit is tomorrow afternoon. I won't be able to go with DH since I'll probably be in a meeting and then I have a class that I cannot miss. I got in a bit of an argument this morning with DH because he hasn't done anything to prepare for the appointment. I wrote up some questions last week but he hasn't read them. When I try to discuss contingencies so we can get moving once the appointment is over, he says nothing. I asked him if he cared and he said that he just has no idea what to do and he assumes that the doctor should know. I told him that I am not willing to sit around for another 6 months in hopes that a doctor will get it right when I can be getting a second opinion, etc. I know he's unhappy with the situation and I also know that he is hoping and praying for a good result so we don't have to keep going through all of this. Still, I don't know what is wrong with praying for the best and preparing for the worst.

I contacted a clinic in Boston and am contemplating a phone consultation with a RE depending upon the results from tomorrow's appointment. If we're faced with IVF, and since we'd have to travel no matter what the situation, I would feel more comfortable with comparing programs, prices, etc. I really don't want to get to that point but I also want to just get on with all of this. Sure, it isn't a guarantee that it will work but at least we'd be further along the process.