It's been an interesting time. On one hand, I'm attending childbirth classes and other preparation classes with people who are so eager and naive and experiencing pregnancy through the lense of 'this is how having a baby is supposed to go'. On the other hand, I am still attending my infertility support group because the experience (and the possibility of it happening again if we decide to do this again) does not go away. When I told my mom about some of my anxiety over the preparations that we've made in the hope that we won't have to use them, she told me my problem is that I know too much. It's true. Over the years I've read so much, searched onlin, read books and blogs and message boards. I question everything, have to see both sides of a diagnosis and I cannot just sit back and be directed anymore.
I'm not totally complaining, mind you. I do not know if I would be happy/satisfied/any more sane if I did not have the information that I do have. I am more realistic about what we're facing. Sure, I still am operating with a level of faith (faith that all will go well, that sproglet will be healthy, that we'll be home for Christmas). Still, I find that I am holding myself back a bit so that I will not be disappointed - because there has been so much disappointment in the past. In yoga on Wednesday a classmate was talking about her birth plan and the midwife attending the class for the first time asked about her contingencies if the plan didn't go the way she wanted. She said theat she guesses that she'll be disappointed. I have to say that by having my contingencies, I do not believe that I will be disappointed since my goal is to bring a healthy baby home - the 'how' could take many forms and I accept that.
6 comments:
I am 100% like you. We know too much but what else could we have done?
So true...
Right there with you ... I have hesitated to register for my childbirth classes, partly because I, too, still feel in between ... due end of January.
Here from SQ. I am also pregnant, for the first time since starting the TTC process 6 years ago. I have so many worries, and yes, I know that I know too much. It's hard NOT to worry, though, when you've seen what we've seen...yes? I still haven't registered for my childbirth classes, but I'm not due until the end of March. I also haven't joined the "parenting/pregnancy after infertility" group with a bunch of friends because I don't feel like I fit THERE either, you know?
I can totally sympathize with this post. When I was pregnant every other pregnant woman IRL that I knew or encountered in classes just knew she was taking that baby home from the time she saw two lines. Not so for me.
I guess that is why my birth plan was nonexistent. I felt like you. However it went, I really couldn't care less. That was the least important part of the journey to me. When asked what my birth plan was I would say, "Go to the hospital." That was as far as I planned and I am happy about that.
Good luck! Time will fly between now and your due date (except the last few weeks which is another story). :)
-here from Friday Roundup
you write about what a lot of us feel a lot of the time. When I was finally pregnant, I never really let myself "sit" with the pregnant ladies, I didn't want to go and sit with them , because I was IF, because I knew that exact moment that I got PG, that I had tried and tried to get to that waiting room...and in my mind, they had not. SO while i read this as a mom now, I am still that IF girl that got PG 4 yrs in..with lots of info, lots of knowledge and a lot of fear about getting LIVE babies home.
I loved this post...loved hearing it from you and wishing you a very very very easy 3rd trimester. HUGS
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