First, let me start this update by saying that for the first time since we entered the second trimester, I had a great OB visit. My blood pressure was ok (for me), I had no protein in my urine (plus my kidney function was great), I gained on track (a little under but I didn't get lectured) and he actually said that I may be on track to deliver on Island!!!!! I was so overjoyed when I got into the car with Aidan. So we go back in 3 weeks - which means I should realistically make it to milestone 2 with some mileage towards milestone 3!!! I am so going to the spa on Oct 24th for a massage and facial!
Between this and the next visit, I have to start monitoring movement. I have a kick counter app for my iPhone so I may use that. The next visit will include the scheduling the GTT and CBC tests.
We had a crazy weekend with family that resulted in us looking back at the start of our TTC journey and a particular miscarriage that we tend to avoid thinking about. Both Aidan and I talked about the weekend experience at the support group last night and how we are now approaching our infertility experience and advocating for resources that we wished that we had used. It got everyone talking about how people cope and particularly how the guy feels. Aidan was actually asked whether he would be willing to lead a men's group since he articulates everything so well. He's not sure he's comfortable about that but he does see the benefits of such a group if formed. He said in the car that he was flattered by the suggestion but he wouldn't know what to do. He said that usually when he starts speaking in the group it is something that has entered his thoughts at that moment - and last night it was seeing what what happening in his family at the moment and wanting to help since he had been through it. He said he didn't realise that the events of the weekend had affected him so much until he started talking. He then said he couldn't imagine having to come up with something to discuss or keeping people on track or on time if he were in charge of a meeting. Now let's see how he deals with the LLL meeting on Saturday morning...
In more support group news, we had another 'surprise' last night. One of the members who had been through 5 IVFs, 3 IUIs, acupuncture, Chinese herbal teas and was about to do donor egg is expecting. She and her husband were on a break as they were mentally considering the donor egg step. She said she was ashamed to say that in her case 'relaxing' had helped - she had gone off of everything she had been doing, had taken a less stressful role at work and was even considering stopping all treatments all together when it happened. We were all bawling when she finished talking. Sadly, she and her husband are moving to the UK in December. We're going to miss her!
I've booked my maternity photo session. It'll be on Oct 28th in the evening and I've chosen to have the whole thing done in the studio - I'm not in the mood to do the beach or a park for this one. We're going to try to make it fun - we're going to bring along Aidan's plaid and some sequined tops and some of the wraps that I got over the years during our travels. I am hoping it'll be fun - and that I will be having a good hair day!
05 October 2010
01 October 2010
Inbetween Land
It's been an interesting time. On one hand, I'm attending childbirth classes and other preparation classes with people who are so eager and naive and experiencing pregnancy through the lense of 'this is how having a baby is supposed to go'. On the other hand, I am still attending my infertility support group because the experience (and the possibility of it happening again if we decide to do this again) does not go away. When I told my mom about some of my anxiety over the preparations that we've made in the hope that we won't have to use them, she told me my problem is that I know too much. It's true. Over the years I've read so much, searched onlin, read books and blogs and message boards. I question everything, have to see both sides of a diagnosis and I cannot just sit back and be directed anymore.
I'm not totally complaining, mind you. I do not know if I would be happy/satisfied/any more sane if I did not have the information that I do have. I am more realistic about what we're facing. Sure, I still am operating with a level of faith (faith that all will go well, that sproglet will be healthy, that we'll be home for Christmas). Still, I find that I am holding myself back a bit so that I will not be disappointed - because there has been so much disappointment in the past. In yoga on Wednesday a classmate was talking about her birth plan and the midwife attending the class for the first time asked about her contingencies if the plan didn't go the way she wanted. She said theat she guesses that she'll be disappointed. I have to say that by having my contingencies, I do not believe that I will be disappointed since my goal is to bring a healthy baby home - the 'how' could take many forms and I accept that.
I'm not totally complaining, mind you. I do not know if I would be happy/satisfied/any more sane if I did not have the information that I do have. I am more realistic about what we're facing. Sure, I still am operating with a level of faith (faith that all will go well, that sproglet will be healthy, that we'll be home for Christmas). Still, I find that I am holding myself back a bit so that I will not be disappointed - because there has been so much disappointment in the past. In yoga on Wednesday a classmate was talking about her birth plan and the midwife attending the class for the first time asked about her contingencies if the plan didn't go the way she wanted. She said theat she guesses that she'll be disappointed. I have to say that by having my contingencies, I do not believe that I will be disappointed since my goal is to bring a healthy baby home - the 'how' could take many forms and I accept that.
29 September 2010
Week 25
Date/Week: September 29; week 25 (12 weeks (84 days) to C/S)
Total weight gain/loss: Will find out nest week...
Milestones: I've finished cooking and freezing the food for the post-natal period. I have also prepared the cloth diapers and have washed and put away the baby clothing. Finally, I've attending the first set of childbirth classes that we were signed up for.
Physical Progress: My belly continues to fill out somewhat. Not much else that I see that has changed since last week.
Symptoms: leg and feet cramps; soreness in the pelvic area and round ligament pain; upset stomach; heartburn;
How do I feel about my body: Another good week. I'm enjoying some of my fall/winter turtlenecks with jeans - I feel that I look better than in the maternity shorts.
Food cravings/aversions: artisan italian bread; pound cake
Sleep: The dreams have not been helpful - I feel so unrested when I get up. I really need a few naps...
Energy level: I've had spurts and I definitely overdo it at times. i usually suffer at night because I am not sleeping that well.
Exercise: prenatal yoga; aqua aerobics; walking
Baby Movement: He is moving so much. I had my belly pressed against a table last night and he kept kicking at the table. He is all over the place when I am sitting in meetings - I feel sorry for both of us when he runs out of room in there...
Thoughts and Feelings? Still working towards milestones 2 and 3. I am pretty sure I will make milestone 2 and I am planning to do most things in October (maternal photos, shower and finishing the nursery). Currently, I have not planned anything in November. I'm just a little unsure as to whether planning stuff in November would be tempting fate...
What I am looking forward to: Spa day for the week 28 milestone; finishing up the nursery; doing the maternity shots (need to book a date)
What am I reading / things I’m learning: Still reading 'The Baby Book' and planning to read the LLL book next.
Total weight gain/loss: Will find out nest week...
Milestones: I've finished cooking and freezing the food for the post-natal period. I have also prepared the cloth diapers and have washed and put away the baby clothing. Finally, I've attending the first set of childbirth classes that we were signed up for.
Physical Progress: My belly continues to fill out somewhat. Not much else that I see that has changed since last week.
Symptoms: leg and feet cramps; soreness in the pelvic area and round ligament pain; upset stomach; heartburn;
How do I feel about my body: Another good week. I'm enjoying some of my fall/winter turtlenecks with jeans - I feel that I look better than in the maternity shorts.
Food cravings/aversions: artisan italian bread; pound cake
Sleep: The dreams have not been helpful - I feel so unrested when I get up. I really need a few naps...
Energy level: I've had spurts and I definitely overdo it at times. i usually suffer at night because I am not sleeping that well.
Exercise: prenatal yoga; aqua aerobics; walking
Baby Movement: He is moving so much. I had my belly pressed against a table last night and he kept kicking at the table. He is all over the place when I am sitting in meetings - I feel sorry for both of us when he runs out of room in there...
Thoughts and Feelings? Still working towards milestones 2 and 3. I am pretty sure I will make milestone 2 and I am planning to do most things in October (maternal photos, shower and finishing the nursery). Currently, I have not planned anything in November. I'm just a little unsure as to whether planning stuff in November would be tempting fate...
What I am looking forward to: Spa day for the week 28 milestone; finishing up the nursery; doing the maternity shots (need to book a date)
What am I reading / things I’m learning: Still reading 'The Baby Book' and planning to read the LLL book next.
25 September 2010
Breastfeeding... Part 1
The breastfeeding journey is going to be interesting. I have now been to two sessions - one was a LLL meeting and the other was a session led by a nurse who is also a lactation consultant. Much of the information is consistent and I will do well to read the new version of the LLL book in the coming weeks (trying to get through the Dr. Sears book at the moment). The difference between the two meetings so far have been moreso related to structure of the feedings - scheduling feedings vs. feeding when requested. It is definitely going to take some reading and questioning ladies at the next LLL meeting to see what their personal experiences were like.
It also become apparent that with me delivering pre-term, my relationship with a breast pump will begin early. I've been told that the baby will be fed what I express and then when we go home I will be able to transition into breastfeeding. If they have to use a bottle in the hospital, I will have to work with my post-partum doula to transition him and it may be a little frustrating but not impossible. It was really good to get this information. I have purchased a hands-free pumping bra, nipple cream and gel soothie pads and ordered some washable breast pads but still need to go through the breast pump box to see what else I need.
The next LLL meeting is Oct 9 and it is about bringing baby home. I need to make sure I have done some reading and put together my questions by then.
It also become apparent that with me delivering pre-term, my relationship with a breast pump will begin early. I've been told that the baby will be fed what I express and then when we go home I will be able to transition into breastfeeding. If they have to use a bottle in the hospital, I will have to work with my post-partum doula to transition him and it may be a little frustrating but not impossible. It was really good to get this information. I have purchased a hands-free pumping bra, nipple cream and gel soothie pads and ordered some washable breast pads but still need to go through the breast pump box to see what else I need.
The next LLL meeting is Oct 9 and it is about bringing baby home. I need to make sure I have done some reading and put together my questions by then.
24 September 2010
Sept Milestone Reward!!!
I had my treat for making the September milestone (sure - I may have a second treat at the spa next week as well...). There was a cancellation with the psychic so I got a message asking if I wanted the appointment - so I went! Interestingly enough, I remember when I was 15 or 16, the mom of a close friend of mine told me about seeing a psychic before she had her first and I thought it would be fascinating to do if in a similar situation. Who would have thought that I would get the opportunity 20 years later!
The reading used tarot cards and was very comfortable. She recorded the session and emailed it to me afterwards. I would be lying if I said it wasn't fascinating. Listening to the session a few minutes ago, I didn't even say very much. Her comments give me a lot to analyse about myself, which is why I think I was interesting in doing this in the first place - to see whether someone's insight into me inspires me to look deeper at myself. In any case, I am thinking.
Here are the major points:
1. Once I complete the doctorate, I will go down the law path because it has always been an interest.
2. I love to investigate and I am more intelligent than I let on. I inspire others but I doubt myself. My confidence has been a problem in recent years. I want to make a difference in my community and I genuinely care.
3.I have been a bum magnet in past relationships and tried to rescue these guys. I have gotten free of that cycle. In my present relationship he is my best friend but I have to trust and love more completely. She also described my 'mate' in amazing detail.
4. She discussed our family - first a boy and then a girl. She said we lost a son a few years ago but the son we're expecting is strong and is intent on getting here. He will have an old soul. Our daughter will love the stage.
5. I will find maternity leave difficult because I will be eager to get back to work. When I do get back to work it will begin a time of growth, energy, studying, positivity, confidence and happiness. In the future, there are books that I will write.
6. Overall, I will do much.
The reading used tarot cards and was very comfortable. She recorded the session and emailed it to me afterwards. I would be lying if I said it wasn't fascinating. Listening to the session a few minutes ago, I didn't even say very much. Her comments give me a lot to analyse about myself, which is why I think I was interesting in doing this in the first place - to see whether someone's insight into me inspires me to look deeper at myself. In any case, I am thinking.
Here are the major points:
1. Once I complete the doctorate, I will go down the law path because it has always been an interest.
2. I love to investigate and I am more intelligent than I let on. I inspire others but I doubt myself. My confidence has been a problem in recent years. I want to make a difference in my community and I genuinely care.
3.I have been a bum magnet in past relationships and tried to rescue these guys. I have gotten free of that cycle. In my present relationship he is my best friend but I have to trust and love more completely. She also described my 'mate' in amazing detail.
4. She discussed our family - first a boy and then a girl. She said we lost a son a few years ago but the son we're expecting is strong and is intent on getting here. He will have an old soul. Our daughter will love the stage.
5. I will find maternity leave difficult because I will be eager to get back to work. When I do get back to work it will begin a time of growth, energy, studying, positivity, confidence and happiness. In the future, there are books that I will write.
6. Overall, I will do much.
23 September 2010
Home Alone... version 2
Aidan flew out last night. We made the most of our anniversary - we got up early to have a little more time together, went out to the Hog Penny for lunch, exchanged gifts (I received a ruby and diamond pendant on a white gold chain to match my earrings from years ago; he received a battery powered weed wacker - we were both happy!) and I received a surprise bouquet of flowers (he ordered them when he found out he was supposed to fly out on Tuesday - they're beautiful). We stopped by my parent's house on the way to the airport for him to put on his travelling uniform and got him checked in and through the gate. I then headed home as it was too late to go to yoga.
I didn't do much last night. I received the last lot of clothes from eBay - mostly 3-6 months. I now have way too much stuff so I will probably do a second weed through as I wash things. I washed the cloth diapers 2 more times last night and dried them. I also tried to upload the week 24 pictures but the SD card reader that I have doesn't work with the larger storage levels - I'll decide whether to purchase a new one today. I also started making the chicken stock that I'll use to make chicken noodle soup tonight (ground chickent, bone-in chicken breasts, bay leaves, and onion, carrot and celery stalk and 5 quarts of chicken broth...). The cats and dogs were good last night and I crated the dogs around 10pm and headed to bed.
Tonight I think I'll finish the soup white I watch Xanadu. I'm also washing the 3-6 month stash of clothing tonight (way, way too much stuff!!!) and may start wrapping the Christmas presents for Aidan. I've decided to push the spa day out to Oct 2 or 3 since I found out yesterday that the 2 classes (breastfeeding & post-partum) will be this Saturday and then on Monday. Sure, I could still do Saturday afternoon but I'd prefer to spend the entire day vegetating.
I didn't do much last night. I received the last lot of clothes from eBay - mostly 3-6 months. I now have way too much stuff so I will probably do a second weed through as I wash things. I washed the cloth diapers 2 more times last night and dried them. I also tried to upload the week 24 pictures but the SD card reader that I have doesn't work with the larger storage levels - I'll decide whether to purchase a new one today. I also started making the chicken stock that I'll use to make chicken noodle soup tonight (ground chickent, bone-in chicken breasts, bay leaves, and onion, carrot and celery stalk and 5 quarts of chicken broth...). The cats and dogs were good last night and I crated the dogs around 10pm and headed to bed.
Tonight I think I'll finish the soup white I watch Xanadu. I'm also washing the 3-6 month stash of clothing tonight (way, way too much stuff!!!) and may start wrapping the Christmas presents for Aidan. I've decided to push the spa day out to Oct 2 or 3 since I found out yesterday that the 2 classes (breastfeeding & post-partum) will be this Saturday and then on Monday. Sure, I could still do Saturday afternoon but I'd prefer to spend the entire day vegetating.
22 September 2010
Week 24
Date/Week: September 22; week 24 (13 weeks (91 days) to C/S)
Total weight gain/loss: 188 (18 lbs in 24 weeks - my doctor is happy; me, not so much. Plus, Aidan and I are now the same weight)
Milestones: Milestone #1!!!!! We're 6 months and are viable (not that I want to have to experience that in any way at the moment...); It's also our 4th anniversary today and this is the best anniversary present ever!!! And we've survived our first hurricane as a married couple - and thankfully have electricity again.
Physical Progress: I am a human furnace. When the electricity was out and we had no A/C, I suffered like I've never suffered before... I kept begging Aidan to open a window - which resulted in way too many remedial physics lessons on wind directions and how hurricanes work. I basically slept semi-nude (not totally due to the need for the ever present pantiliner...) and that was hell - I definitely need support for the new boobage. I am so happy we got power back in less than 24 hours - I would have been a monster if I had to make it through another night like that!
Symptoms: leg and feet cramps; soreness in the pelvic area; a little back pain; can't take a deep breath anymore (thank goodness for belly breathing; a bit constipated due to iron supplements; heartburn
How do I feel about my body: Feeling pretty compact this week. I've purchased 2 nursing bras that actually minimise my bust a bit so it has done wonders with dealing with that aspect of my new shape. My belly button is starting to move outward - but only partially thanks to the scar from where they inserted the camera for the laprascopic surgery last December. It's kind of weird looking but it's fine.
Food cravings/aversions: Lasagna... then buffalo wings... followed by an upset stomach...
Sleep: I'm up maybe every two hours to go to the loo. If I'm stupid, I take my iphone with me and then I can't get back to sleep for a while. If I don't I have been drifting off into insane dreamland until the next urge hits.
Energy level: I am walking much slower than I usually do. A walk that used to take me 5 minutes takes 15. I am signed up for a breast cancer walk on Oct 3 but probably won't do it because it would take so long.... plus I am now getting winded easier since I can't get a deep breath anymore.
Exercise: Warm-up at dance class; prenatal yoga; aqua aerobics; walking
Baby Movement: He likes to move late morning/early afternoon. He is up for a while when I get up and before I go to sleep but I have the BabyPlus system and he seems to settle down when I take it off for a while. He's kicking more. Aidan had his ear on my belly and was saying "hello" and got kicked in the head - that was priceless!
Thoughts and Feelings? I'm a little irritated with the insurance company. They told me the 'plan' last Thursday. Apparently if I am having any complications relating to my kidneys at the time that the decision is made to fly me out, I will be sent to different hospital (connected to the children's hospital by an underground tunnel) and the children's hospital will send over a neonatal team for the baby. I can then be transferred back to the children's hospital when I am ok. It all is a little complicated to me - just let me be at one hospital! In any case, the chances of that happening are slim since my kidneys are actually doing quite well at the moment. They have given me the contact details for the coordinator there if I have questions. But for the moment, I am still here and thanking God for each day that I am home. Sure, I realise I would probably have better care overseas in the longrun but I do not know when I would be allowed to come home - and that stresses me out a bit. In any case, my blood pressure has been better and I just wish I could figure out how to get better readings when at the doctor's office.
What I am looking forward to: Aidan is back home in a week. I also need to plan a spa day to celebrate making it to week 24 - and I might do the same for week 28 because there is another spa that I'd like to sample...
What am I reading / things I’m learning: Getting through the LLL stuff slowly. I'll have to admit, it's freaking me out a bit since so many people I know stopped breastfeeding early on. Also started reading 'The Baby Book' but I'm not far enough in to get nervous about anything in that yet.
Total weight gain/loss: 188 (18 lbs in 24 weeks - my doctor is happy; me, not so much. Plus, Aidan and I are now the same weight)
Milestones: Milestone #1!!!!! We're 6 months and are viable (not that I want to have to experience that in any way at the moment...); It's also our 4th anniversary today and this is the best anniversary present ever!!! And we've survived our first hurricane as a married couple - and thankfully have electricity again.
Physical Progress: I am a human furnace. When the electricity was out and we had no A/C, I suffered like I've never suffered before... I kept begging Aidan to open a window - which resulted in way too many remedial physics lessons on wind directions and how hurricanes work. I basically slept semi-nude (not totally due to the need for the ever present pantiliner...) and that was hell - I definitely need support for the new boobage. I am so happy we got power back in less than 24 hours - I would have been a monster if I had to make it through another night like that!
Symptoms: leg and feet cramps; soreness in the pelvic area; a little back pain; can't take a deep breath anymore (thank goodness for belly breathing; a bit constipated due to iron supplements; heartburn
How do I feel about my body: Feeling pretty compact this week. I've purchased 2 nursing bras that actually minimise my bust a bit so it has done wonders with dealing with that aspect of my new shape. My belly button is starting to move outward - but only partially thanks to the scar from where they inserted the camera for the laprascopic surgery last December. It's kind of weird looking but it's fine.
Food cravings/aversions: Lasagna... then buffalo wings... followed by an upset stomach...
Sleep: I'm up maybe every two hours to go to the loo. If I'm stupid, I take my iphone with me and then I can't get back to sleep for a while. If I don't I have been drifting off into insane dreamland until the next urge hits.
Energy level: I am walking much slower than I usually do. A walk that used to take me 5 minutes takes 15. I am signed up for a breast cancer walk on Oct 3 but probably won't do it because it would take so long.... plus I am now getting winded easier since I can't get a deep breath anymore.
Exercise: Warm-up at dance class; prenatal yoga; aqua aerobics; walking
Baby Movement: He likes to move late morning/early afternoon. He is up for a while when I get up and before I go to sleep but I have the BabyPlus system and he seems to settle down when I take it off for a while. He's kicking more. Aidan had his ear on my belly and was saying "hello" and got kicked in the head - that was priceless!
Thoughts and Feelings? I'm a little irritated with the insurance company. They told me the 'plan' last Thursday. Apparently if I am having any complications relating to my kidneys at the time that the decision is made to fly me out, I will be sent to different hospital (connected to the children's hospital by an underground tunnel) and the children's hospital will send over a neonatal team for the baby. I can then be transferred back to the children's hospital when I am ok. It all is a little complicated to me - just let me be at one hospital! In any case, the chances of that happening are slim since my kidneys are actually doing quite well at the moment. They have given me the contact details for the coordinator there if I have questions. But for the moment, I am still here and thanking God for each day that I am home. Sure, I realise I would probably have better care overseas in the longrun but I do not know when I would be allowed to come home - and that stresses me out a bit. In any case, my blood pressure has been better and I just wish I could figure out how to get better readings when at the doctor's office.
What I am looking forward to: Aidan is back home in a week. I also need to plan a spa day to celebrate making it to week 24 - and I might do the same for week 28 because there is another spa that I'd like to sample...
What am I reading / things I’m learning: Getting through the LLL stuff slowly. I'll have to admit, it's freaking me out a bit since so many people I know stopped breastfeeding early on. Also started reading 'The Baby Book' but I'm not far enough in to get nervous about anything in that yet.
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