Another New Adventure....

Last week I decided to take the plunge.... Tonight I'm going to my first IRL Infertility Support Group. People who know what I've been doing have been encouraging me to go for a few months but since I was seeing a therapist, I didn't feel the need. After we came back from CZ and the 2 weeks of insanity that included the beta and its aftermath, I almost decided to attend but a meeting with my therapist calmed me down enough to change my mind. Well, my therapist is leaving the country. I thought about it for a few days after receiving the news and then emailed the group's organizer. So I am forgoing the dance class tonight to visit with the group. Thankfully, they do not meet every week so I will be able to go to class some weeks. On the other hand, we're off to Boston in 2 weeks so I may not get to attend again until the calendar flips over into 2010.

In any case, I am pretty nervous about attending. I go through phases of feeling like I'll fit in. I usually bring a book to parties just in case my socializing mood is off for the evening. What if I don't feel like sharing or if I don't feel comfortable like I do/did with my therapist? Sure, tomorrow I'll probably say that the group is absolutely amazing (I've been told that it is).

Perhaps what I am more nervous about is surgery and the group is a scapegoat for my fears over the whole process. I've been open about the procedure. Whenever I get congrats on being pg I just say "oh no - it's fibroid tumors and I'm having them removed next month". It usually nips that conversation off at the knees. But I still need to go out there, get through pre-op, have the surgery and then get through the first 48 hours after surgery and then the energy rollercoaster post surgery. Sure, I'll be fine and Aidan will be there for me but I can't help but think further ahead as well, past my fear of hospitals and needles and having to spend the night in the hospital (I hope they drug me up well!). What happens when they say we can TTC again. That rollercoaster I am not looking forward to. As AF has just begun, without the anxiety of the past 20+ months, I can only imagine how I'm going to feel after going through all of this and still not succeeding. I am positive looking towards 2010 but I don't like the pain I've felt in 2007, 2008 and 2009.

Anyhow, the Queen will be arriving tomorrow with Prince Philip. Aidan will be playing for their visit. I don't know if I'll get the opportunity to see her - perhaps I will get the chance when she arrives in Hamilton for a church service. The media are already here - I went to purchase socks for Aidan's Christmas stocking and encountered a British news crew interviewing a shopkeeper about Bermuda shorts and whether they could be popular in the UK for business men. I slipped out the side door after making my purchase as I had no desire to be pulled into the circus...

Anyhow, the Christmas letter is still not done so the Christmas cards aren't either. We did wrap some gifts while we watched tv this weekend so at least we won't have to worry about that. I'd like to get the cards out next week and we'll probably mail the US and international cards when we're in Boston (still thinking about the logistics of that...).