It's good to be back in our own bed - having a tempurpedic mattress does that to you. Everything now needs to be organized, suitcases unpacked and laundry washed. Work is also a mess with tons of emails, meetings and papers all over my desk. And I am moving like a snail because I feel like crap. I am a physical and emotional wreck. If I didn't have acupuncture yesterday, I never would have made it though the day. My head hurts so much that I went home and went straight to bed after dinner.
Now, with the finish line in view (beta scheduled for Monday), I am really hating this process. I still believe that going to the Czech Republic was brilliant. I doubt I would have been as calm as I was if I was working and flying back and forth to the US for appointments. Still, if this doesn't work, it's not like I can find another 3 weeks that easily.... plus I need to have a fibroid removed before I go back and will need to go to the US for laproscopic surgery. I hate that the whole process is a gamble. We've put our lives on hold to be able to do all of this. I'm just tired - emotional and tired.
In any case, I have contacted the patient liaison for Brigham and Women's about fibroid removal. I hate not having any contingencies. Since we have to go to Boston next month, it would be good to get in to see a doctor. Not that I've given up on this cycle yet.... It just hasn't set well with me that I could have had it removed a year ago and could have been in better condition for this IVF cycle. Since another IVF cycle won't be until 2010 - and possibly next September if recovery from surgery takes 3-6 months (and looking at our calendars), it is better to get the information now.
Thanks everyone for your support through this process thus far. You've all been invaluable support!
15 September 2009
10 September 2009
Off to London
We're going to London a day early. A day and a half of bed rest turned me crazy. Yesterday was my first day back out-of-doors and I really had no interest in figuring out what to visit next. At least in London I can just go on autopilot and not think. So today we're driving to Vienna to catch an Aer Lingus flight to London Gatwick.
Other than that, not much going on. I've read everything that could be read about this stage of the process. At moments it's comforting and other times the info is paranoia inducing. I'm positive yet careful..... I just want to not think about any of this anymore...
Other than that, not much going on. I've read everything that could be read about this stage of the process. At moments it's comforting and other times the info is paranoia inducing. I'm positive yet careful..... I just want to not think about any of this anymore...
07 September 2009
Cycle Day 20 - Transfer Day
We started the day as usual - breakfast and then relaxing in our room. I then had a massage appointment at10am. I had a Thai full body massage for 90 minutes. Believe me, it was heaven. With the knots gone for the moment, we then went and had lunch as we were making 12.30 at the clinic.
Once we checked in, we then had to meet with the embryologist. We had 2 grade 1 expanding blasts, 1 grade 2 early blast, 2 grade 3 (can't remember what), 3 morulas and 4 eight-celled embryos. We decided to transfer the 2 expanding blasts. We discussed freezing the grade 2 & 3's but ultimately decided not to freeze anything. I took that a bit hard since that was my contingency plan gone....
Anyhow, we then went to prepare for transfer. I listed to my visualization cd to get my mind back on track. I was prepped and we were shown the expanding blasts on the screen. Both of us were smiling at that. I then had to lay back as the doctor described what was going on. Aidan watched the blasts being readied for the transfer. They did an ultrasound guided transfer and it was over in seconds. The nurse and the doctor got me arranged on the bed with my legs up and I was taken back to the room. I then had 45 minutes to relax. I listened to the visualization cd and a little Frank Sinatra.
We stopped by the pharmacy to pick up supplies on our way out and I am now on bed rest for 24 hours. I plan a Ballykissangel marathon and hopefully will get to start watching Firefly.
Once we checked in, we then had to meet with the embryologist. We had 2 grade 1 expanding blasts, 1 grade 2 early blast, 2 grade 3 (can't remember what), 3 morulas and 4 eight-celled embryos. We decided to transfer the 2 expanding blasts. We discussed freezing the grade 2 & 3's but ultimately decided not to freeze anything. I took that a bit hard since that was my contingency plan gone....
Anyhow, we then went to prepare for transfer. I listed to my visualization cd to get my mind back on track. I was prepped and we were shown the expanding blasts on the screen. Both of us were smiling at that. I then had to lay back as the doctor described what was going on. Aidan watched the blasts being readied for the transfer. They did an ultrasound guided transfer and it was over in seconds. The nurse and the doctor got me arranged on the bed with my legs up and I was taken back to the room. I then had 45 minutes to relax. I listened to the visualization cd and a little Frank Sinatra.
We stopped by the pharmacy to pick up supplies on our way out and I am now on bed rest for 24 hours. I plan a Ballykissangel marathon and hopefully will get to start watching Firefly.
06 September 2009
Cycle Day 19 - Day Before Transfer
I am scared. There is no other way to describe it. I am on the verge of the possibility of a life changing moment and I am freaking scared!!!!!
This weekend we went to Vienna to keep our minds off of everything. We didn't want updates on the embryos. We didn't want to sit around saying 'what if'. We drove from the Czech Republic to Austria, played tourist and for a few hours didn't think about it.... much. I've been a monster, you see. I've been snappy to my mom and husband and I feel bad about it. It's partially me feeling anxious... and scared.
Due to this we made our way to church today in Austria. We went to the 9.30 Mass at St. Stephen's - in German. And my German sucks. Still, even with me doing the responses in English - and loving the choir who did the Hayden Mass - I was able to calm myself somewhat. It wasn't meditating as much as stillness. I needed it. It didn't last long though - I was snappy at the Art History Museum.
I hope I'll be back to my optimistic self tomorrow. I'm not as sore as last week. My right ovary still aches a bit but it is nothing like it had been. I am soooo bloated ans my profile is not something that I am used to. Still, I am excited about this - and grateful that we have embryos that are made up out of the two of us growing at the clinic. So I am excited, and hopeful and scared....
This weekend we went to Vienna to keep our minds off of everything. We didn't want updates on the embryos. We didn't want to sit around saying 'what if'. We drove from the Czech Republic to Austria, played tourist and for a few hours didn't think about it.... much. I've been a monster, you see. I've been snappy to my mom and husband and I feel bad about it. It's partially me feeling anxious... and scared.
Due to this we made our way to church today in Austria. We went to the 9.30 Mass at St. Stephen's - in German. And my German sucks. Still, even with me doing the responses in English - and loving the choir who did the Hayden Mass - I was able to calm myself somewhat. It wasn't meditating as much as stillness. I needed it. It didn't last long though - I was snappy at the Art History Museum.
I hope I'll be back to my optimistic self tomorrow. I'm not as sore as last week. My right ovary still aches a bit but it is nothing like it had been. I am soooo bloated ans my profile is not something that I am used to. Still, I am excited about this - and grateful that we have embryos that are made up out of the two of us growing at the clinic. So I am excited, and hopeful and scared....
03 September 2009
Cycle Day 16: Fertilization Report
Here are the details:
19 eggs retrieved
14 mature
14 ICSIed
12 fertilized (currently 1 celled embryos)
Transfer is scheduled for 1pm on Monday, September 7th.
19 eggs retrieved
14 mature
14 ICSIed
12 fertilized (currently 1 celled embryos)
Transfer is scheduled for 1pm on Monday, September 7th.
02 September 2009
Cycle Day 15: Retrieval Day
I was a mess last night. I was freaking out that I'd ovulate before the procedure, that I'd twisted an ovary with the walking through the caves on Tuesday (I was soooo bloated), that there would be nothing in the follicles. After Aidan did the assigned acupressure points, he did the happy spot on the top of my head to calm me down. Boy did it work. We watched 2 episodes of season 5 (I think) of Ballykissangel with him pressing the spot on my head. I slept like a baby and only work up once during the night.
This morning Aidan had cereal in our room as I could not eat or drink before the procedure. We headed out at 7.15 to check-in at 7.30 on the third floor of the clinic. They took our paperwork and took us back to our room. It was a room for 4, painted a golden yellow with Anne Geddes prints on the wall. The beds had brightly coloured pillows and comforters. My bed had a window that looked out on the forest. I was asked to change into my pajamas (a long top in my case) and I climbed in bed to read while I waited.
At 8am they took Aidan to do his part (he said the room was well furnished - posters, magazines and DVD player already loaded) and at 8.20 or so I was walked across the hall to the procedure room. It was bright and modern and well equipped. They got me settled and my doctor was cheery and said it would be a quick procedure. The anesthesiologist was quick and I was out in moments. When I awoke they transferred me to my bed covered me with the comforter and told me to rest. Aidan was in the room when I got back.
I was in some pain. My right ovary, who had been playing hide-n-seek during each u/s was throbbing. I did the guided visualization exercise for the time between retrieval and transfer and was able to breather through most of the soreness but that ovary was driving me nuts. Aidan did the happy spot on my head for a while and I zoned out for about an hour or so, napping and such. The doctor came in to tell us that he had retrieved 19 eggs and that the embryologist would be down shortly to talk about Aidan's sample. He was also going to check to see if everything was ok and decide whether I needed the shot of pain medication.
The embryologist was very nice and said that the eggs were good quality but the sperm sample made her decide to use ICSI. She said they would begin the process at 12 noon and for us to call our coordinator, Petra, tomorrow at 1pm to see how many fertilized. We'd talk later about freezing because we had already decided that we'll transfer 2 embryos in a 5 day transfer on Monday, Sept 7.
We were then visited a few more times by the nurses and my doctor. My examination went well and I was then given the pain meds injection on my Bottom. Boy, did that sting. It smarted for a while and then it was fine. I dressed slowly and then after checking out we went to the pharmacy to get the progesterone gel suppositories that I'll be using instead of PIO (they don't want to take any risks with my allergies).
The rest of the day I took it slow and napped a lot. I wanted McDonalds for lunch so Aidan and my mom made it happen. I'm still a bit sore but I feel much better than I did earlier. Thanks everyone for the kind words. I truly appreciate it and you bring a smile to my face often. The next few days are a numbers game and, yes, we've started a Novena to St. Gerard because we need all the help we can get... :)
This morning Aidan had cereal in our room as I could not eat or drink before the procedure. We headed out at 7.15 to check-in at 7.30 on the third floor of the clinic. They took our paperwork and took us back to our room. It was a room for 4, painted a golden yellow with Anne Geddes prints on the wall. The beds had brightly coloured pillows and comforters. My bed had a window that looked out on the forest. I was asked to change into my pajamas (a long top in my case) and I climbed in bed to read while I waited.
At 8am they took Aidan to do his part (he said the room was well furnished - posters, magazines and DVD player already loaded) and at 8.20 or so I was walked across the hall to the procedure room. It was bright and modern and well equipped. They got me settled and my doctor was cheery and said it would be a quick procedure. The anesthesiologist was quick and I was out in moments. When I awoke they transferred me to my bed covered me with the comforter and told me to rest. Aidan was in the room when I got back.
I was in some pain. My right ovary, who had been playing hide-n-seek during each u/s was throbbing. I did the guided visualization exercise for the time between retrieval and transfer and was able to breather through most of the soreness but that ovary was driving me nuts. Aidan did the happy spot on my head for a while and I zoned out for about an hour or so, napping and such. The doctor came in to tell us that he had retrieved 19 eggs and that the embryologist would be down shortly to talk about Aidan's sample. He was also going to check to see if everything was ok and decide whether I needed the shot of pain medication.
The embryologist was very nice and said that the eggs were good quality but the sperm sample made her decide to use ICSI. She said they would begin the process at 12 noon and for us to call our coordinator, Petra, tomorrow at 1pm to see how many fertilized. We'd talk later about freezing because we had already decided that we'll transfer 2 embryos in a 5 day transfer on Monday, Sept 7.
We were then visited a few more times by the nurses and my doctor. My examination went well and I was then given the pain meds injection on my Bottom. Boy, did that sting. It smarted for a while and then it was fine. I dressed slowly and then after checking out we went to the pharmacy to get the progesterone gel suppositories that I'll be using instead of PIO (they don't want to take any risks with my allergies).
The rest of the day I took it slow and napped a lot. I wanted McDonalds for lunch so Aidan and my mom made it happen. I'm still a bit sore but I feel much better than I did earlier. Thanks everyone for the kind words. I truly appreciate it and you bring a smile to my face often. The next few days are a numbers game and, yes, we've started a Novena to St. Gerard because we need all the help we can get... :)
She's OK
Hi - It's Aidan. Marisa asked that I come online to say that she's ok. She was in pain when she woke up from the procedure so they gave her a shot of pain medication. They retrieved 19 eggs and ICSI took place at 12 noon Czech time. We'll be told at 1pm tomorrow how many embryos have resulted.
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