Welcome to my little corner of the web! I will have to say that I have missed ICLW for the last few months. It has been a busy few months butI am actively attempting to get back into activities that I enjoyed doing (and some I do not...).
First, a little bit about me. I guess I am on phase 3 of our journey. Phase 1 was living blissfully unaware that it would be difficult to have a family. Phase 2 was almost a 3 year rollercoaster during which both my DH and I were diagnosed with factors that were causing our infertility. Phase 3 is where we are now - we survived our IF struggle and are trying to figure out what it means to graduate.
I guess right now this graduation concept has me a little peeved. We got pregnant and had a baby but that doesn't mean that we forget everything we've gone through. Life after IF sometimes feels like a semi-limbo. When you're around people who got pg normally, sometimes the things they say really smarts (particularly about having the next one). On the other hand, people who were of great support in phase 2 sometimes avoid you because what you have makes them upset. Some days I wish there was a support group for after IF.
Anyhow, outside of recording a life that now includes parenting after IF, this blog sometimes includes bits and pieces of the frustration of pulling my life back together. I really did let things fall apart during phase 2. While my relationship was thankfully really strong as we had to work together, my work and school life was operating at minimal levels to get by. Career maybe a bit more since I needed money to pay for treatments - school almost flatlined. My confidence took a major hit and lord knows how much damage I did to my business reputation. I am slowly seeing how far reaching the damage was in my singlemindedness to achieve motherhood.
All this said, I am positive about the future - as I was at so many stages of phase 1 and 2. Sure, phase 3 is going to take a lot of work. I could dwell on how difficult everything is in my life but I won't because there is also much good that comes from overcoming challenges. I also hope that in sharing that parenting after IF is not the fairy tale 'Happily Ever After' but instead a work in progress.... fascinating, often frustrating and I wouldn't trade it for anything!
So hope to meet friends new and old this month! Have a great ICLW Week!
17 comments:
Old friend here. I am really grateful to read this post. I am hopeful that I will soon crossover and get to stage 3. In the mean time, it is easy to feel left behind by all the graduates and fear that they forget the struggle. Why I wish you didn't endure those 3 years it means a lot to read your thoughts while still in the trenches. I never thought about what it would be like to be around people who had it easy and say all of the things that one with that experience would.
Thanks for your honesty & support :)
Happy ICLW week to you too! Old friend stopping by to say hello!
Love, Fran
Like you, I am trying to make sense of stage 3! The bitterness, the pain of IF never goes away does it?
ICLW
Happy ICLW and congratulations on your son!
Hi there! I can relate to SO much of what you're saying here. It felt like I was reading my own blog. I'm looking forward to reading more!
ICLW #117
I missed quite a few ICLWs too. I've been so busy I didn't think it was fair for me to join and then not be able to comment. But here I am! :)
Happy ICLW!
Happy ICLW! Your little guy is so cute! Congratulations on such a beautiful baby!
#100a
Happy ICLW. I can relate to what you wrote, having a toddler after IVF and now trying for #2 (so back in the trenches again, but in a different way).
This is my first ICLW in a few months, too. And I can't imagine when I ever do have a baby, whether it's biologically mine or through adoption, that I'll be able to let go of some of this bitterness towards people who have had it easy and say dumb things. I think a lot of it will still be there.
Happy ICLW
And yes I'm with you on phase 3... we've just become parents via adoption, and I'm trying to figure out how to progress with my blog!
I tend to sway towards current IF battles, but I took the plunge and happy that I did. I have a son from being a fertile crazy 20's something filled with Vodka, I now have SIF, which I didn't know existed. I have been noticing more of late about those preg after IF suffering and being ignored, and it really upsets me. People should not forget where we want to be, and one day we will be preg and then get the cold IF shoulder from those that missed out this cycle. Its wrong. We need to stick together to support each other and educate the world.
Glad I found your blog and will follow your journey and support you. Got your back luv..
Tee @ infertilitee.blogspot.com
I am so there with you and know what you're going through. I too often wonder about support groups...we are definitely a different breed of mothers (those that have come from a long, hard journey). I would love to feature your success story on my blog by the way! Here's a link to the info:
http://stressfreeinfertilityblog.com/2010/01/17/calling-all-success-stories/
I also gave you an award recently! Check out my home page! Happy ICLW!
I understand completely how you feel. Since my daughter was born 8 months ago, I've struggled to find my place in the whole IF world. I don't want a stranger to hate me because I have a baby. I want to be able to comfort those still struggling. We're all still in one big boat when you really think about it!
Happy ICLW.
Oh my gosh, You little man is SO cute! I can only imagine that you've been pre-occupied with him and having less time to spend on the computer screen. We are newly pregnant after IVF and I understand in a whole new way that this experience will forever define us. I am so grateful, yet the pain and grief that we've been thru will always remain in my heart.
Congrats on your cutie pie! and happy ICLW!
Happy ICLW. Your little guy is adorable but I can understand that all the different phases of life can affect you differently. I am currently in phase 2 in my life and realize how overwhelming all consuming it all is. I hope you had a great Easter with your little one!
Hi! Found you from ICLW! Congrats on making it out of phase two and onto phase three! I'm almost there... pregnant with twins thanks to IVF. Hoping you enjoy every minute of motherhood :)
Wow I'm impressed at your Iron Commentor history! Happy ICLW!
I just wrote a similar post about feelings of parenting after IF. I agree--it changes you, and you still aren't the same as fertiles, even if you have your dream and are parenting.
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