I survived.....

This whole not getting pregnant thing has had a major downside - I have not been able to hold other people's babies in fear that I would become an emotional basketcase. there were points this summer where being around babies made me go into a panic attack - a condition that only used to happen at bridal and baby showers. I realized this weekend that I haven't held a baby since September 2006. Granted, I haven't had the opportunity to hold one between then and this summer but still, it is quite a bit of time.

Anyhow, I held a baby this weekend. Yes, I was nervous to do so when I picked up the baby but then the fear went away. The baby seemed fine so I was fine too. I had no baby cravings, the smell wasn't intoxicating (I've never had that experience ever...) and I didn't feel cheated out of motherhood. I just felt like I was holding a baby. Later, the baby slept on my chest and again it was ok. I don't know. It was like everything was calm that day.

Anyhow, we're looking at this cycle positively as usual. Christmas Day kicks off the season!