Thoughts about Christenings

We have a few nieces but this was the first christening we had to attend. DH was godfather so he had a role to play in the proceedings. I think that began to dawn on me as we drove to the church - I would be alone in the pew watching a happy family moment that I don't know if I'll ever get to experience for myself. With that, I became really quiet. BIL asked me to record the baptism so at least I watched the events through a tiny screen. There were moments I wanted to cry, either for thebeauty of the moment or the despair over 16+ months of disappointment. When it was finished DH held my hand during the remainder of the service. He had a lot going through his head while he stood at the front.

The brunch was held at SIL/BIL's house. Most of the family was in attendance. I had to keep myself busy - I did not want to get into a 'what's taking you so long' conversation. I ended up making pancakes as my DH was allergic to the main meal. I felt better just concentrating on that. I didn't have to hold my niece. I didn't have to talk about the christening. I just had to deal with cooking. I was able to get through various conversations afterwards and I began to wonder if we would be just fine ifwe never had children. After the tree planting (the tree we gave our niece on the day she was born), we headed home talking about how tough the day had been.

We were able to spend part of the afternoon doing what we needed to do. We ran three miles and then we took the dogs for a 2.5 mile walk. I even managed a bit of resistence training. We napped a little but before you knew it, it was time for the family dinner. It wasn't nearly as difficult as brunch. The food was good and the conversation was fun. I was happy to go home though - it was a draining day.